What's on my mind

Anger is a theme these weeks. I knew once I read, listened and engaged again in societal topics surrounding injustices and activism that fire within me would be ignited again. I am glad of course, I'd been living in a state of apathy for far too long. I am also a bit scared. Once I allow myself to care, it can be all-consuming. I want to break, fix, and shake up EVERYTHING. And everyone should be on board with me, too. Though I definitely do not want to dampen my sense of urgency and the need to act again. It happened too many times before. However, I need to find a way to channel these feelings, thoughts and energies into actions that will fill me with purpose. And in the process, it is crucial to keep checking my expectations. Of myself and of others. I know once I wake up from this trance, it's difficult to grasp how anyone could not care about all these injustices in the world. This is a hard one. I don't think you can avoid being disappointed and frustrated with yourse...

Feelings are a strange thing they come and go create havoc inside us and - poof - gone are they though something's still lingering a chest ache, that twist in your stomach the feeling trying to get your attention still here, just not tangible the pain transformed morphed into a part of me dormant for a while, but waiting for that moment, the dreaded silence there it is again, hitting full force difficult to place now but nonetheless there if you're lucky tears will come and release you  or it might consume you for a minute, an hour, a day it's so real that we forget even this one shall pass

Today I'm thinking about activism. What I can do, what I have done, what I still need and want to do! I was very inspired by two interviews that I listened to on my drives to work and back. They were from the Pioneers of Change summit 2023, which I sort of dismissed initially because I believed it's probably just a bunch of whitewashed opinions. But I have actually heard quite some different people. Yes, the majority is white (which still makes sense in the Austrian/German sphere) but there were also a few people of colour and the topics and types of people were quite varied I must say. I am definitely guilty of dismissing activism movements if they don't seem perfect enough and I know it's not helpful. We all need to start from somewhere (which is always our perspective and lived experience) and then expand from there! And have empathy for everyone who is on the path of changemaking. About what I heard. One interview by Ronja von Wurm-Seibl was about the effect negativ...

I guess nothing's exactly wrong with my life. I mean, I feel like I literally have nothing to complain about. Even though that has never stopped anyone from complaining. I guess what I'm trying to say is, do you ever feel like the life you're living is somehow all wrong (or maybe not all, but major parts of it) and you feel so unsatisfied a lot of the time and trying to tweak it here and there but somehow you haven't figured out which parts need to be changed and to WHAT? I somehow blame all those activism pages, articles and movies about normal people doing extraordinary things, a thousand youtubers online who tell you about the endless possibilities of how to become awakened and alive and spiritual warriors or climate warriors or generally making yourself and the world better with your spiritual practice and all the good you do in the outside world. Are these people real and I'm just too much of a coward to not be one of them? Or are they not real, or at least bor...

I want to write, but it's not as easy to formulate my thoughts when other people are in the apartment with me (in this case my partner and the handyman). Therefore, instead of writing my original thoughts, I will share a poem I wrote last weekend. I'm actually rather proud of it, especially since it's been a while since I last wrote a poem I wanted to show to people. This one, I read it to my partner, two of my friends and my mom. My friend said it really touched her! And while rereading it, I saw that indeed it is special. And you know why? Because the moment I was writing it I was feeling an unnerving mix of feelings: uncertainty, longing, joy, regret and a tingly sort of awkwardness in my body. I guess my first instinct was to rationalise the shit out of these uncertain and uncomfortable feelings and try to take over with my mind. But then, I didn't. I was confronting the awkward and started weaving it into words. The theme was clear: bittersweetness. For a little bi...