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Family & poetry

I want to write, but it's not as easy to formulate my thoughts when other people are in the apartment with me (in this case my partner and the handyman). Therefore, instead of writing my original thoughts, I will share a poem I wrote last weekend. I'm actually rather proud of it, especially since it's been a while since I last wrote a poem I wanted to show to people. This one, I read it to my partner, two of my friends and my mom. My friend said it really touched her! And while rereading it, I saw that indeed it is special. And you know why? Because the moment I was writing it I was feeling an unnerving mix of feelings: uncertainty, longing, joy, regret and a tingly sort of awkwardness in my body. I guess my first instinct was to rationalise the shit out of these uncertain and uncomfortable feelings and try to take over with my mind. But then, I didn't. I was confronting the awkward and started weaving it into words. The theme was clear: bittersweetness. For a little bit of context, I had just spent the day with parts of my extended family for family reunion we do every one or two years. It had felt awkward at first, everyone trying to connect again more or less superficially, and at some point the connection felt real again and beautiful and I felt part of something fragile but unique.

So, here it is:

A bittersweet bond

Family together
a bittersweet feeling
apart for so long
but for this moment 
we are tethered to each other
by blood
experience
memories
and tradition
together at last
it's this beautiful energy
though many are missing
this unique synergy
why are we here
a year further 
in our lives that we don't share
only this moment unites us
bittersweetness in the air
we wish, we hope and plan
when will be the next time
why is this so rare
it is heartbreaking
how we all want
to connect
and be a family
but we get on with our lives
and often forget
that little ache
the empty spot
it's where you live
or are supposed to
the love for you tucked away
is it safe
or long too late
It's family
a bittersweet bond between people
who distract themselves
stay busy
keep moving
with their own lives
just to escape
this simple truth
we all long for it
but it seems like
an unfulfilled prophecy
just out of reach
most of the time
but now it's feeling real
we are all basking in it
Because
when will we feel it again

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